Sunday, August 12, 2007

Outsourcing At Its Best

Local Democrat Kevin Ross passed this along. I wouldn't ordinarily post this one on the blog, but I can blame it on county fair fatigue.


Washington
, DC
(AP) -- Congress today announced that the
office of President of the
United States of America will be
outsourced to
India as of November 1, 2007 .

The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures
and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should
be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot
expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level
of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.


Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.


Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices,
Mumbai , India will be assuming
the office of President as of
December 1, 2007 .


Mr. Singh was born in the
United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at
Niagara Falls , thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no
health coverage or other benefits.


It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the
US and India , he will be working primarily at night,
when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights
will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center,"
stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President of the
U.S. "



A congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should not be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with the
issues either.


Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to understand the
underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated
the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for
years."

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until
his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he
will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his
unemploym ent benefits will exceed the allowed limit.


Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to limited practical or successful work
experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's
extensive experience shaking hands, as well as his naturally goofy
smile.

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