Bush’s Resumé

This is from Skip Bleeker. What makes this scary is that it is all true. 

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Subject: Resume for executive position

This individual seeks an executive position. He will be
available next January, and is willing to relocate.

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520


EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine,
and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record
has been 'lost' and is not available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I
refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug
use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat
duty in Vietnam.

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in
the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil
company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly
after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my
father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay),
I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
- I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and
oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America.
- I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune
of billions in borrowed money.
- I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in American history.
- With the help of my brother, the governor of
Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became
President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
- I am the first President in US history to enter
office with a criminal record.
- I invaded and occupied two countries at a
continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
- I spent the US surplus and effectively bankrupted
the US Treasury.
- I shattered the record for the largest annual
deficit in US history.
- I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in
a 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in
the history of the US stock market. In my first year in office, over
2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every
month.
- I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the
richest of any administration in US history. My 'poorest
millionaire,' Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
- I set the record for most campaign fundraising
trips by a US President.
- I am the all-time US and world record-holder for
receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
- My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one
of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy fraud in US History, Enron.
- My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the US Supreme Court
during my election decision.
- I have protected my friends at Enron and
Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and
money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has
been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I
presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
- I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S.
history.
- I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted
criminals to be awarded government contracts.
- I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration than any President in U..S. history.
- I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the
largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
- I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history.
- I am the first President in U.S. . history to have
the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
- I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
- I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S.
'prisoners of war' detainees and thereby have refused to abide by
the Geneva Convention.
- I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
- I set the record for fewest numbers of press
conferences of any President since the advent of television.
- I set the all-time record for most days on vacation
in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August,
I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
- I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S.
after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made
the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of
diplomacy in world history.
- I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million
people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to order
an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a
sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
- I have cut health care benefits for war veterans
and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their
families in wartime.
- In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our
reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British
friends.
- I am the first President in history to have a
majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat
to world peace and security.
- I am supporting development of a nuclear 'Tactical
Bunker Buster,' a WMD.
- I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring
Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
-All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now
in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
- All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public view.
- All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed
in secrecy and unavailable for public review.